Lost At Night

I woke up today, looked out the window and noted that the sun had set. Oh well, there is a first time for everything. It took me twenty eight years, but I finally succeeded in sleeping through an entire day. Last night/this morning was manic at work, and topped off a very busy weekend.

Last night was everybody's favourite night - gay night. A particularly special one, as it is a bank holiday today. An ideal chance to let your hair down, darling. I spent five hours chained to my bar, along with Guilliano the friendly Brazilian bartender (and ladies man par excellence), without a chance to scratch my bum with angry patrons squeeling "tsk, I have been waiting the longest". Jesus, we were overwhelmed. Glasses ran out, vodka ran out, Red Bull ran out (this disgusting shit is people's mixer of choice here), my patience ran out (more than one nasty patron copped a bit of articulate bile).

So, remember, when you are in a bar and it is really busy, take the time to look at how hard the bartender is working and realise how impossible it is for him to keep track of exactly who has been waiting the longest, or for him to pour fifty vodka redbulls a minute. Then avoid the following behaviour

• Yelling. You will be ignored, or told to shut up then ignored.
• Leaning over the bar. You will be told to get back on the right side of the bar, then ignored.
• Waving money. You will be laughed at, then ignored. That money isn't going into my pocket, and I assume that everybody who is lining up has money for their drinks.
• Touch the bartender to get their attention. He or she will get very angry, then make a point of not serving you.
  
• Do not, under any circumstances, try to walk behind the bar. You won't get served for the rest of the night... and you will probably be ignored next Sunday too.
• Don't ask for an Irish coffee, you muppet. And if I make you an Irish coffee on a busy night, I expect a tip.
  

If you want to get your drinks

• Wait patiently, then don't rush when giving your order.
• Give a tip, and you will be served first when you come back. We are not about equal opportunity, and we get minimum wage. Money talks.
  
• If you are an attractive woman, go to the bar that Guilliano is working on, he will make sure that you are well looked after, but beware, he might try to liberate you of your phone number (though he is a strapping lad and you might be well tempted to oblige).